We cannot find our tribe unless we know who they are.
Who we are looking for is NOT a group of people just like us.
So, who is our tribe?
Our tribe is full of people who:
- share our language & can communicate easily
- are physically near enough to spend facetime together
- enjoy doing activities we like doing or want to try
- share similar values & views re what is most important, eg, is money or possessions more important than relationships;
- is owning a nice home more important than travelling
- is helping others more important than self-achievement;
- is trying new things more important than enjoying what we have enjoy similar kinds of people socially or professionally, eg, strong community orientation or sports mad or same occupations or same hobbies or same sexual identity – all or some of the above
- aspire to a similar future, eg, to be:
- self-employed vs corporate employee
- Working internationally vs focusing locally
- In one forever personal relationship vs expecting a variety of partners
- A parent vs childless
- Living near extended family vs living afar
- Our tribe also has people who:
- are slightly different or even opposite to us in some ways
- may be either highly social making lots of friends easily, or may be a more quiet introvert who does not make friends easily but highly values and works at maintaining their few friendships
- may work at a much higher or lower level job
- may have more possessions, more wealth, more financial security
- may have few possessions, little money, heavy financial commitments, or not financial security
- may have a culturally different heritage
- may have a much larger or much smaller extended family
- What matters is the sufficient sharing of some key attributes that will be the foundation for an honest, sincere, trusting, enduring and evolving relationship.
This foundation of shared attributes must also allow for what is essential in our tribe: difference. We need opportunities to experiment with who we are, to try new ways of being and living, so we can grow, can modify and continue to change who we are, to become more of that person we want to be into the future.
Belonging : where is my tribe?
We can only do this when associating with people already being it, called role models. We need to see, hear, feel, and be encouraged to follow people already being more the way we want to be.
An example: If you have spent most of your life immersed in the world of sports, then it may be difficult to find people who will help you explore your creative side if you want to try expressing that part of you. You may discover creativity is now of higher importance to who you are than the intense focus on sport and sports people.
Our tribe is full of people being more of who we want to become. We will find those people only when we know who that is.
Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash